Um... Yeah, I'm totally OCD

My family will happily attest to the fact that occasionally, my craziness reaches bizarre heights. Usually about needing round numbers or alphabetizing stuff. Recently, they all mocked me because I couldn't handle the fact that my mom set her alarm for 4:57. Why not just do 5:00?  Seriously? I can't be alone in this
Anyways, I got sidetracked. I'm here to talk about how my OCD relates to books. Series, mostly.

Here's how it plays out: I start reading a series, fall in love with it and devour every available title. Then I hit the end of the series and have to wait, like normal people, for the next book. By the time that book arrives, months later, I buy it eagerly. And then I have to decide. Read it on its own? Or read the rest of the series again. I do this with movies too.

For example, my husband and I recently went to see Iron Man 3. What I really wanted to do was sit down, watch Iron Man and Iron Man 2 in quick succession, then head to the theater. It didn't happen, partially due to being busy, and partially due the mocking I get whenever I suggest things like that  :)

This problem mostly relates to 2 things, I've decided. One, I'm SUPER sequential (part of my OCD charm). I hate watching TV shows out off order, reading books out of order. I'm not sure why, other than a vague suspicion that I read something out of order as a kid, either got a nasty spoiler or had no idea what was going on, and it scarred me for life. So I like things to be sequential.

The other contributing factor is that I'm a really fast reader. Which is great, but it means that justifying spending time re-reading a series just to read the latest book doesn't take me all that long. Or least, it didn't, when I had more free time. But now, when I'm super busy and can usually only squeeze in a couple chapters before bed, I'm spending an awful lot of time re-reading books I've read before.

Mind you, I'm not totally crazy. If I've read the books in the last couple months, I don't usually re-read the whole series. And some series are long enough that I've read the first few books enough times that I can start my re-reading in the middle somewhere.

But yeah, that's my confession. What about you guys? Anyone crazy enough to admit that they re-read so they remember what's going on too?

The Ten Comandments of Query Letters

The Ten Commandments of Query Letters

Julie Butcher

1. Verily I say unto you, it is forbidden to mass query to Agents. Thou shalt not put many names and email addresses in the address line nor in the Carbon Copy nor in the Blind Carbon Copy. For each agent has a name.
2. And thou shalt personalize thy query to each agent with a name and each has a name.
3. Thou shalt put thy email address and thy street address and thy phone number on the query or thy children and thy children’s children shall rise up and call thee Stupid for missing an opportunity.
4. Thou shalt not send a query for an unedited manuscript even in the enthusiasm following Nano for thy name shall be Mud and thy query rejected verily.
5. Thou shalt respect the silence of Agents who have posted no response means no on their websites on pain of losing the opportunity to query to them forever and of taking the privilege from thy brothers.
6. Thou shalt go onto the internet to research agents and to follow their guidelines lest thy query be lost to the evil of spam folders.
7. Thou shalt keep thy query letter to one page for Agents have eyes and eyes can be broken.
8. Thou shalt only send a query letter to an agent who represents thy genre which has a name.
9. Thou shalt not hassle an agent about thy query on twitter or facebook or any social networking sites for they are there to be social. They are people and they have a name.
10. And on the seventh day if a rejection shall come, thou shalt rejoice for thy skin is thicker with each rejection and thou shalt need a thick skin when you have a name, for lo and verily there are reviewers.

This is a repost some of you might remember from the #amwriting website a year or so ago. I have the flu of doom. I'll make a pretty new post next time, mkay?

How to Please Everyone

See that title? Are you all excited because I've come to you with the answer of how to make everyone happy with your work?

Okay, here it is...

You can't.

Ta-da!

The fact of the matter is, when it comes to your writing (your singing, your art, your calculations of long division) you cannot please all the people...not even most of the time. After reading a review yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine and she said, "I get dinged for too much sex and not enough sex...in the same book."

At first I thought "Well at least that has never happened to me." But it has. That review in question? Didn't like the lack of sex in a book and felt that as a romance, it should have had some. Fair enough. (I fully believe that everyone has the right to their opinion on a book. So my undies are not in a bunch. Promise. Anyway...) I started thinking about it and realized while it wasn't specific to sex, there had been people who didn't like how much romance was in the book and would have preferred I stick to the action and gadgets.

(Now granted, if it wasn't a romance at all, reader #1 probably wouldn't have read it and wouldn't have been disappointed. But...that isn't the story I wanted to tell. So, romance it is.)

After that, I started thinking about reviews for my other books. And then I started reading reviews for books I either loved or hated. (Pretty much I read the opposing reviews. If I loved it, I read the 1 stars. If I hated it, I read the 5 stars.) Crazy thing. Turns out that on a pretty regular basis, the stuff I loved was the stuff someone else hated (or vice versa).

This makes sense (it just takes being able to step away from your own work to see it sometimes) because people are individuals. We each bring our own expectations to a book.

For myself, if an urban fantasy has romantic elements and there is sex, I expect to "see" the sex. Closed door in UF doesn't work for me and will yank me right out of a story. No sex is fine. Explicit monkey sex is fine. Finding out they previously had sex is even okay. But working up to the point and then jumping to the afterglow makes Sel a cranky reader. (In fairness, it's okay if it happens upon occasion in a book with a lot of sex because, you know, too much sex is no more fun than not enough sex.)

So, as a writer, you need to be able to take a step back from your work once it's out in the world. You need to let readers have their own experience with your book. Because, in that regard (and not any that would allow for pirating--we hang pirates around here), once you release the book, it's not your story any more. It's like when your kids go off to live their own lives. You don't get to control that. Your mistakes are on full display for the rest of the world. And so are your non-mistakes that people still don't like.

And that is okay. They have a right to like and not like whatever the fuck they want.

So you want to know how to please everyone?

You let them feel what they feel and don't try to own that. It's not yours; it's theirs.

In other words, don't be a douchebag author.

She Works Hard for the Money

Do you have Donna Summers' voice in your head yet? No? Here you go.

You're welcome.

A year ago, I was in a pretty rough spot. Despite having three novels and a short story collection out in a year (with a book and another short story collection coming), sales were non-existent and royalties were abysmal, so when my dog was dangerously ill right after my bunny had surgery, I was broke and freaking out about how I'd pay rent after dropping everything I had at the vet office.

Today (well, last Thursday as you'll be reading this), some of the critters went in for checkups and I got some not great news about my beloved cat. The vet warned she wanted to run more tests but they were costly--together they were going to run about $300.

I let out a breath of relief. "Oh, no prob, I can do that."

'No prob.' From me. Coming out of my mouth.

I've gone from being homeless to living below the poverty level to just barely going over the poverty level to..."no prob" when a couple of sudden tests popped up. The biggest difference from May 2012 is that I spent a year writing for the money. And that shit's paid off.

When I started last year--after drunkenly agreeing to it in a moment of high impressionability--I was filled with shame. I whispered it to close friends. I guarded this secret as I imagined college girls do when they strip to get through med school. Because all writing must be ART, yes? It must have a piece of our soul? It must never, ever be for the dirty cold hard cash we need to survive?

No.

You know who told me to be proud? Our very own Bad Horse. She said there was no shame in making a living from writing.

And today, that's what I'm going to tell you.

It's really nice to work hard on a book you love, that you put your blood, sweat, and tears into, and have it do well. And sometimes it happens.

Many times it doesn't.

So what are you going to do? Are you going to moan that Life Isn't Fair? Are you going to bitch about readers not liking what you write? Or are you going to pick yourself up and write what will make money, giving readers what they want? Because here's the thing: no one owes you a living in writing. You are not owed a certain amount of money just because you wrote a book. Readers do not owe you their time or money. And if they are not buying what you're peddling, you find something else they might want.

And it's not an either/or situation, folks. I still write what I love. I still hope to sell and making a living from what I love one day. But in the meantime? In the meantime, I have no shame. Skillz to pay the billz, as the Gothic Goddess says.

It's okay to write things you don't love if it's paying well. Art doesn't always feed your kids. It doesn't always pay your rent. And let me tell you, if it means the difference between life-saving medication for one of my babies or letting them die? I know what I'm choosing.

I'm not rolling in it. Yet. I'm not about to quit my day job and if it comes to my furbaby needing a big ticket item, like surgery, I'll have to do some strategizing. But I've got a nice supplemental income that's eased the strain from living paycheque to paycheque. And I'm not ashamed of it.

I worked hard for it.

Writing Out Loud

Objectivity isn't easy when you're dealing with your own creation. We try, of course. We know it's necessary for the truly effective editing, revising, rewriting phase. We put the freshly shiny manuscript aside and let it perk, we ignore it, we try to fall in love with a new story before approaching it again. But the words on the paper are still ours. Even though the "set it aside for some distance" strategy works (and I highly recommend it) we're still so close to our words. Deep down, we still gloss over them.

They are very hard to see clearly.

It turns out what really helps bring them into focus is to HEAR them. A lot of people suggest reading your work out loud, I know. But for years I took this advice in, processed it, considered it, acknowledged its validity and then consistently ignored it. I mean, it's embarrassing, talking to yourself. Even completely alone, I found it uncomfortable to read out loud. I got the theory, but to actually do it seemed silly, goofy, possibly slightly insane.

Then I signed up to do a public reading. (eep) After my initial panic attack subsided, I started to practice. I read and re-read. I recorded. I read to the mirror, to my family, to anyone I could get to sit still for me. Nothing like the fear of looking stupid in public to motivate me, let me tell you.

And despite the fact that I survived this public reading thing, (and even actually enjoyed it) the big revelation in the process was how much crud I discovered hiding in my manuscript. I found goofs I'd never seen. I found typos. I could hear the rhythm of the story and even when I didn't find an error, I found a thing or two I'd have liked to word differently.

I'll be damned.

I hate it when that happens. I mean, if I'd taken the stupid advice years ago....well, you get it. Reading out loud works. It works really well. I highly recommend it, but then, so did everyone else long before I came around. Will I read everything I write aloud from now on? I doubt I'm that devoted, but I might give it a try.

I'll definitely be talking to myself more than usual. Edit, edit, edit, read!

Series Post: Ask Dr. Dina - Bruises

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. I do not hold a current medical license or certification (I let them lapse because I no longer work in the medical field and don't intend to ever again). What I do have is an extensive medical background in various fields. Everything you read here is the result of either education, training, research and interpretation, or personal experience. The information in this post is not to be taken as a substitute for professional medical advice or examination. Seriously, if you're having an immediate medical problem and you're reading this blog for help, get off the damned computer and call an ambulance! 

Today we continue my "Ask Dr. Dina" series with a post about more kinds of soft tissue injuries with a post about bruises. I was going to add cuts and scrapes in this post, but there's enough about bruising that cuts and scrapes are going to need their own entry, lest this turn into a medical lecture, and I'm not a substitute for your med school classes. Onward!

We've all had bruises. Anything with skin or soft flesh gets them (you've seen bruised apples at the store). A bruise is a common way of identifying bleeding under the skin. You bleed under the skin, it makes a spot. That spot can be all sorts of colors, and the color will change as the bruise either heals or worsens (depending on circumstance and location).

Bruises have all sorts of medical names, but the most common are "contusion" and "hematoma." They all mean the same thing - "bleeding (hemorrhaging) outside the vessels" - but the different terms indicate the varying degrees of the bleed (from now on referred to in proper medical context as "hemorrhage." I know. You hear "hemorrhage," you think "OMG bleeding to death!" No. "Hemorrhage" just means "bleeding," in any amount. It's the severity that's the important thing. "Hemorrhage" is colloquially accepted to mean "severe," but it's not technically correct. *The More You Know star*).

Let's start with your regular, run-of-the-mill, "I bumped my leg on the corner of the coffee table" bruise. Contusions are generally caused by trauma, but something as simple as kneeling down on the asphalt to pick up your dropped car keys can give you a contusion. All this means is you've broken some blood vessels and they've hemorrhaged their contents beneath your skin.

Sometimes these contusions hurt, sometimes they don't. Sometimes you don't even notice them until they're a pretty purple color hours later, or a funky green spot days after you bumped the coffee table. Either way, you've hemorrhaged under your skin, either a lot or a little, and it's made that spot because it takes awhile for the blood under there to be removed by your body's clean-up crew (your immune system).

Now, you can also bruise muscles (but the same still applies – it just means you've broken the blood vessels in the muscle and hemorrhaged) and bone. Yes, you can bruise your bones. Your bones have blood vessels running through them just like every other part of your body. These types of injuries usually involve intense pressure/crushing, like car accidents and so on.

The type of blood vessel that's hemorrhaging indicates the severity of the contusion. The tiniest vessels are called "capillaries," the next largest ones are referred to as "veins." ("Arteries," while also blood vessels, have a different job, and while it is technically possible to bruise an artery, it takes a hell of a lot more than just banging into a coffee table to do this, so we're not going to talk about arteries for the purposes of this post.)

While most contusions are benign, some can lead to complications, such as subdural hematomas, or "hemorrhaging under the dura." The dura is the little sac that encloses that squishy organ we like to call YOUR BRAIN, and there's not a whole lot of room in your skull for things that aren't where they should be. Hemorrhaging around your brain isn't a good thing and can kill you if it's not properly taken care of.

When you fracture a bone, you're going to have bruising around the injury. The severity depends on the break, but it's an injury, there's bleeding (hemorrhaging), there's a contusion. Contusions are what are called "closed" injuries (under the skin – not open wounds or broken skin; we'll talk more about these when we talk about cuts and scrapes), and generally stay beneath the tissue they're affecting.

Hematomas are a little different than your basic bruise. A hematoma is still a hemorrhage under the skin, but instead of diffusing into the surrounding tissue making it turn pretty-but-flat colors, it collects in an area and makes kind of a pouch. Hematomas are kind of little blood-filled sacs, and they're generally fairly large. Muscles are affected by hematomas more than skin, because your skin is good at letting the leak (hemorrhage) spread out. Muscles not so much. Hematomas are often called "deep bruises" for that reason. Sometimes you can see them under the skin (they look something like an egg under the skin – you know, like a "goose egg" on your head when you whack it hard? Yeah, that.), sometimes you can't.

What does all this have to do with your writing? Well, if you have to ask, you're doing it wrong. When was the last time your character sported a bruise? Had a black eye from a fist fight? (Hint: "black eyes" are generally hematomas – the blood collects underneath and around the eye socket and that's why they look shiny/puffy.) It's not much to have your character notice a bruise, or have it noticed by another. Also, if you're going to beat up your character, remember there are consequences.

If you're going to have your character break anything, remember there's going to be bruising from the trauma.

Join us next time when we talk about cuts and scrapes!

Questions about medical issues with your writing? Leave them in the comments below and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. (THESE MUST APPLY TO FICTIONAL SITUATIONS ONLY. I AM NOT YOUR DOCTOR, NOR A SUBSTITUTE FOR ONE.)

Ugh. Exercise.

I am, as you know, a writer. I'm also a lawyer. Both of these professions involve spending a lot of time in front of a computer. Which means I'm also overweight. Super fun.

And like most of America, I often wish I weren't. So when my best friend called me in March and told me that I was doing a triathlon with her in May, I reluctantly agreed. Partially because I needed a reason to get back into shape and partially because you don't say no to my best friend and live to talk about it (she's scary!).

So I reluctantly got back on the treadmill and the exercise bike. I haven't practiced swimming, which may be a problem tomorrow when I leap into Lake Havasu early in the morning, but I'm assuming I remember how to swim. If not, I'll sink peacefully to the bottom of the lake and not have to worry about the biking or running parts.  Win-win  :)

At any rate, time has flown by quickly and, if you can't tell, I'm petrified about my expedition into the world of triathlons tomorrow morning. Really early. Have I mentioned I'm not thrilled about this whole prospect?

My trials and tribulations aside, remember that just because you're a writer doesn't mean you should leave a sedentary life. Make sure you get up and move around or brainstorm while walking or something. I want you to live a long full life so that I can read your books  :)

That's my basic message today: Don't forget to exercise. Think good thoughts for me tomorrow, obscenely early in the morning when I'll be struggling to remember what to do with my arms and legs in the water. After that, I'll just be muttering terrible things about my best friend as I struggle to complete the triathlon (and you guys thought I was evil!). Whee!

Beating a Dead Horse - Publishing? It's WORK

Okay, I’m sure this has been done before (and probably better than I’ll ever do it), but suck it up, Buttercup.

We could talk for days about the things no one really considers when pursuing publishing, but today let’s talk time. Yes, time.

You see, most of us little writer types go into this gig dreaming of the time we’ll be able to flip our day job boss the bird and make a living off the blood, sweat, and tears we pour into our books. And sometimes, if you’re lucky and bust ass and put the time and effort and the plethora of other shit that goes into getting published, you are able to take that step.

Which is awesome. Pat yourself on the back. You’ve made it. Now it’s time to spend your days in Starbucks, sipping your coffee of choice while making insane word counts because you’re no longer tied into a 40hr week doing something else.

Yeah. Not so much.

You know what comes with being published? A whole lot of shit that never would have pranced through your starstruck mind. I know this because I had no freaking idea and I’d been chasing the dream for YEARS.

That blog you have? Well, it’s no longer professional enough. Upgrade. Your book’s coming out? Guess what? If you’re lucky, your publisher has put the time and effort into pushing promo for you (which you will have to put time and effort into as well). If you’re not? That’s all on you, Cupcake. That email account you used to stalk in hopes of seeing The Letter? Now it’s overflowing with business stuff that has nothing to do with the actual writing of your book.

A lot of people – myself included – walk into this under the mistaken impression that all you have to worry about is the words you put on the page. And that’s a huge ass deal, because if your book is crap, people aren’t going to buy it. But once you have that beautiful little publishing contract, the writing/editing/etc of a book becomes only PART of the process.

I know you’ve heard this before, darlings, but hear it again.

Publishing is a whole shit-ton of WORK. Really hard, occasionally depressing as all get out, WORK.

That said, I think it's totally worth it.