Thursday, July 4, 2013

Baby Evil Writers 101: Evil is as Evil does

Baby Evil Writers 101: Evil is as Evil does
Julie Butcher

Face front Baby Evil Minions and give me your attention.

Begins rant

I know that all of you evil trainees are putting your worst foot forward. You have conquered the malevolence that is facebook. You’ve stalked agents and editors with the sneaky and quiet feet of seasoned cat burglars on twitter. You chat with other writers and industry professionals, and post all of the things, online, forever.

Once you’ve put your words and feelings on the ether that is the wicked internet—IT NEVER GOES AWAY.

Vicious is not evil. Malevolent tweets against other people/sexual orientations/races are not evil. Do not let your fingers run away on the keyboard and let all of your stupid fall out. Whining especially is not evil. If I see one more tweet about how horrible writing a query is, I will come for you in the night—with a sword—and it won’t be pretty.

Queries are a necessary evil, so is writing a synopsis. If you are truly following in our wicked footsteps, SUCK IT UP AND SOLDIER ON. Those things are evil and therefore belong to us. We embrace the evil.

You are not allowed to whine in public. There is messaging on facebook and direct messaging on twitter. Use those to have a pity-party with your friends. Make your family miserable instead of the entire world. Did you ever see Frankenstein’s Monster gripe about those awful, heavy shoes? Did Dracula complain about sleeping with dirt in his coffin? Ummm…let’s see…that would be a resounding NO.

Rejections are not a happy-shiny thing but they are necessary. What isn’t necessary is your moaning and groaning on social media. No one wants to work with a complainer. It is irritating. It is also permanently on the web forever. Do not jump off the roof and then complain that you broke your leg. OF COURSE YOU DID BECAUSE THAT WAS DUMB.

True evil is strong and silent. Not stupid.

Ends rant


  1. But I don't WANNA be a Baby Evil Writer. I wanna be a full-fledged Evil Writer, and I wanna be one NOWWW! I don't have TIIIIIME for being a Baby Evil Writer, I have too many important things to do with my life, like jumping off the roof (with an umbrella to slow my fall, I'm not STOOOOPID).

  2. Hey. Query whining is my specialty. And I've discovered something...I can help others write a bang up query! LOL just my own are... *clams up* ANYWAYS. Although I did do a bit of whining on how awful I am at writing synopsis (the Sea Gull problem. This is this, and that is that) and Query...I had to take two classes! the teacher was excellent, the student. well, she tried hard. BUT, I NEVER bashed editors/agents for needing/wanting them. Ever. Never ever. Even if I wished it weren't so. I understood the necessity. And it really is good practice...

    Through my friendly talky talk (oh, even though I've been limited on twitter time since the advent of blue, my comment numbers are impressive!) someone recommended a small press for a romance I'd written. I looked it up and liked what I read on their sample contract.

    6 books later, 3 stand alones, 3 anthologies, I also have a non romance zombie one I'm editing for another small press, I have a release scheduled for next month. I have a good report with editors from at least two other houses of various sizes. And I've gotten back pleasant rejections from agents who asked me to sub future works to them. How? By being professional and friendly. By not whining about things. (besides, I never want to whine when other people get book deals. It just spurred me on to try harder.). If I decided I need an agent in the future, I'll be able to get one. Because there ARE NO BAD MOUTHING PROFESSIONALS. I don't even bad mouth other authors work. The most I say is, "I didn't care for that style."

    What's on the horizon? I just signed a 15 book deal, 10 long, 5 shorts, for that series that was started with a simple tweet. "Hey, you might like this publisher."

    Don't burn your bridges. Read, don't be stupid. Decorate them, make them welcome. Be nice. As for the evil minions, we are hiding like trolls, waiting for our chance to pounce and take our destiny with both hands. Politely, of course.

    Julie is the bomb and awesome and you best be listening to her, anyhow. Just thought I'd show you the rewards of doing things her way!

  3. This is an absolutely, wonderfully evil post. I LOVE it! Made me want to fist bump you, Julie. :)


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