Thursday, June 26, 2014

The Writer Qualification Checklist - Do You Make the Cut?

It appears to be stupidity week.

It started with the American exchange student who got so thoroughly trapped in a giant sculpture of a vagina in Germany that he had to be rescued. Seriously. This misadventure required the time and energy of a whole bunch of fire fighters and rescue personnel. But hey, I'm sure they had nothing more important to do. 

Who does this shit? And why? It's not like the dude was six and still fascinated by being able to say poopy head. I hope. Because if it was kindergarten exchange his host family should have been watching him better.

Meanwhile, some idiot at GQ magazine decided that a hot actress can't play a writer:
"[Olivia Wilde's] supposed to be a writer too, but your belief in that won't outlast Wilde scampering naked through hotel corridors once Neeson playfully locks her out of his room. With that tush, who'd need to be literate? Who'd want to?"

I'll tell you who. Me. Not that there's any danger of me ever being considered too hot to be a writer, but where is it written that pretty people can't be smart, or creative, or whatever? Is there a writer application form you have to fill out to see if you fit criteria for the job? 

If so, I think it should look more like this:

In possession of pen, paper, typewriter, computer, or other word receptacle
Ability to put words together in some sort of rational order
Ability to reorganize said words, repeatedly, until they actually tell a story
Ability to endure rejection, self doubt, discouragement, frustration, and the dashing of hopes, while still maintaining professionalism and a positive attitude
A cat, or some other pet, who can sit on keyboards, get in the way, or otherwise obstruct the process (optional, but preferred)
A strong stubborn streak
Sensitivity (to give the rejection and dashing of hopes a little extra twist)
Irrational optimism
Physical attributes irrelevant, but penchant for sweat pants preferred

As far as I can see, that's about it. If you have anything to add, please feel free. The comments belong to you.


  1. Yay! I'm a writer. But I have an object that is my muse, a robe to keep me warm (even in the A/C), endless stream of coffee, tea, wine (and when it gets really tough a stiff drink of something), and don't forget the reject file that we're all proud of. Thanks!

  2. If I were prettier, I would be insulted. I have one writer friend who is a doppelganger of Meg Ryan, which doesn't prevent her from writing.

    Having said that, it is a fair question to ask if the perennial pressure on actresses to get naked is not a form of abuse.

  3. It's official, I'm a writer. Yay. I need to add a houseful of kids to distract me and a hubby who loves to drive me crazy.


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