Highway to the Danger Zone...

I'm trying to decide if I should enter a novella I wrote in a contest...  For those of you paying attention, Contests = Danger Zone in the title of the post.

I'm just not too sure about contests. I never have been. I don't particularly like being judged. So hey, I'm human after all, it appears.

So there's the part of me that doesn't want to enter because:
1. I'll be judged;
2. What if I don't do well?  That means my novella sucks, right?
3. It would take work to get it ready for the contest;
4. What if they hate me?!?

But there are a lot of good reasons to enter a contest too...
1. It builds character
2. Working on your WIP to shine it up for a contest is a good thing
3. You get someone's different perspective on it (and they're unlikely to be super harsh)
4. Uh, I'm awesome, so clearly I'm going to win.

Obviously, fear will hold you back, but stepping out of your comfort zone is a good thing, in general. Sure, it might feel sucky at first, but you'll grow as a person. If nothing else, it'll give you another experience to help create more believable characters.

Alright, alright. You guys have talked me into it. I'm going to enter the contest.

Damn. If only I hadn't gotten that Kenny Loggins song stuck in my head.

Editing Is Like...Selling Your House

For those who don't know, we're getting ready to move across the state. That means putting our house up for sale, which means making it look all nice and shiny. Our realtor actually paid for a walk-through with a staging expert...you know, a house-editor.

She came through and pointed out...everything. A lot of it is simple stuff: rearranging the furniture, putting a bunch of stuff from the closets in storage, blah blah blah. This is the line edit stage. Now, I don't know about you, but I like line edits. They're pretty straight-forward even if they take a decent amount of work, and it's rare that cuts/tweaks here are of the painful variety. Same with the house. There's a lot of this level stuff and it all takes time, but it's easy enough.

Then there's the prettifying stuff that we're hiring the stager to actually take care of: putting the right kind of art on the walls, the little jars and candles and stuff that make the house look like a model home rather than like people actually...live here. This is the copyedit stage. Even less painful than line edits. Basically this is the smile and nod part of the job. You trust the person in charge for the most part to make things as pretty as possible.

So...the hard part? Content edits--this is pretty literal with regard to home staging too. Four rooms had to be repainted because of decorating choices. Countertops have to be replaced with granite. Carpets all have to be cleaned (and some stretched). Powerwashing the outside. Painting the door and trim. Now some of this stuff is fine. It's work, but that's it. Other parts...it's like killing your darlings. For example, today I spent the entire day tearing wallpaper off a single room...so I can repaint it tomorrow. A lot of work for one room that may or may not make a difference in the reality of selling. The granite? It's going to cost quite a bit more than we estimated. Will it really matter? And do we have to go with the boring beige?

Those changes are harder to make. They hurt more. But...

At the end of the day, we have an expert telling us what to do to make our house the best it can be. It's just like trusting an editor with your book. Their job is to make it shine. There are battles worth fighting (both in staging and editing) but it's important to remember to pick and choose them carefully.

Our (Evilish) Thoughts Are with Those Involved in the Boston Marathon

In lieu of a post today, I just wanted to extend our thoughts, prayers, good vibes (or what have you) are with the runners, their families, the first responders and everyone involved today. One of our own, Adrienne Jones, has a sister (who was running in memorial for her son) and other relatives involved in the marathon. Thankfully they are all okay but the wait for information was no doubt agonizing, and there are still people checking in with loved ones.

Via Audry Taylor on Facebook, here are a collection of links, phone numbers, and other resources.

• Twitter hashtag to search for is #BostonMarathon 
• If events are triggering you, call Disaster Distress Line 1-800-985-5990. Twitter ID is @distressline & FB page is is.gd/xuwIFS
• Families in search of loved ones: 1-617-635-4520 
• Information leading to an arrest: 1-800-494-TIPS
• Google has created a Boston Marathon Explosion person finder bit.ly/XCXqzC 
• Follow @BostonGlobe on Twitter for news updates.
• Cell phone service may have been shut off in Boston to prevent remote detonations. The full police force is out on duty doing their job.
• Confirm information before you share it. Do not share old information like "there's been another explosion" if it's several minutes old. Try to stick to most recent info. Turn off your social media if you need to. Take a break if you need to.

Also, writers, now is a *great* time to turn off scheduled promo tweets and the like. It can't always be helped but keep in mind that even when you aren't directly involved in something like this, I guarantee some of your followers are. If not somber, be respectful, please. There are always more important things going on than your promo. 

Remember, be gentle with people. Not just today but always. 

Love and hugs to Adrienne and her family. The ELEW are here if you need us. 

Baby Evil Writers 101: Finding a Reputable Agent #2

Baby Evil Writers 101: Finding a Reputable Agent #2

Julie Butcher

Last time we talked about finding an agent, we decided that being a member of AAR was a good place to start. You can read that post here. But, there are tons of ways to research literary agents. Although AAR is a great place to start, other wonderful agents are out there just waiting to partner with you and bring out the best in your work.

Jennifer Laughran, a lovely agent and twitter friend, pointed this fact out to me. (You should follow her on twitter and read her blog.) 

From her blog:  Jennifer began her career in agenting after working as a long-time children's bookseller and buyer. She is also the founder of the extremely popular YA event series "Not Your Mother's Book Club". She joined Andrea Brown Literary Agency in 2007. Always on the lookout for sparkling YA and middle grade fiction with unusual and unforgettable characters and vivid settings, she is drawn to all kinds of books, whether realistic comedies or richly imagined magical adventures. However, the common thread in her favorite stories is an offbeat world-view. Jennifer adores simplicity, but she is not interested in the conventional, predictable, mechanical, gimmicky or ordinary. Jennifer loves funny books, thrilling books, romantic books, books that make her cry, and all-around un-put-downable books... and her true favorites are all of the above.

Now, since I know that Jennifer is an extremely successful literary agent (and awesome to boot) but not a member of AAR, we’re using her as an example on how to research to see if she is reputable.

The first thing you do is to go to Predators and Editors. Click on the agent and publishers link, and pick the first letter of the literary agent’s name. When I scrolled down, I found this.

Jennifer Etherton Literary Services: Not recommended. A literary agency.

Jennifer Flannery: A literary agent with Flannery Literary.

Jennifer Gates: $ An agent with Zachary Shuster Harmsworth.

Jennifer Jackson: $ AAR A literary agent (Literary, Adult) with Donald Maass Literary Agency.

Jennifer Jaeger: A literary agent with Andrea Brown Literary Agency.

Jennifer Joel: $ A literary agent with ICM.

Jennifer Laughran: A literary agent with Andrea Brown Literary Agency. <-SEE THIS IS GOOD

Clearly, there isn’t a *not recommended* warning next to her name. Predators and Editors keep on top of the scoundrels of publishing but they aren’t the be-all and end-all of your search. Next, look up her agency, Andrea Brown Literary Agency.

Andrea Barzvi: $ A literary agent with ICM.

---

Andrea Brown Literary Agency, Inc.: $ Recommended. A literary agency. (Literary, Children's) Accepts queries through email only.  <-SEE THIS IS GREAT

---

A recommended agency would not have a shyster as an agent. In publishing, reputation is everything. So right now we’re saying, “Hey, she looks awesome!” Hey there are still more ways that we can check on her reputation.

Next we head over to Absolute Write and check out the forums. Read what other writers say about the agent you’re researching. Here we find that Jennifer was a guest agent at the water cooler. She’s looking better and better. After this, we check her out on Publisher’s Marketplace.

If you have a membership at Publisher’s Marketplace ($20 a month) You can see what every deal reported says. If you can’t afford the fee, google Jennifer Laughran + publishers marketplace+ dealmaker and you can see page after page of registered sales.

Then you go and read her blog and check her twitter stream. You find articles where she is mentioned and check all of the boxes. THEN YOU QUERY.

Since I’ve done all of the research for you, you can query Jennifer here.

You need to research every single agent you query with at least this many steps. Got it?

Are We There Yet?

So many new authors rush. I know this because, of course, I did. Hurry, hurry, I finished a book finally. Send it out, out, out. I hope I learned my lesson on that count, but you know, I still get that jittery, anxious flutter to be submitting.
A few weeks ago I ran into something of the opposite problem, and it caught me by surprise. Considering that I'm a low on patience kind of gal, it hadn't really occurred to me that someone could have too much of the stuff.

I've been doing writer's workshops and also a lot of beta reads for friends and other authors that I've met. We have an active writer's group, and our goal is always on getting the work ready to go out. Out, into the wide, blue world where the readers live.

But at this last writer's workshop I had the pleasure of critting for gentlemen whose stories I've done a few times now, and who always entertains the shit out of me. He writes well. Sure, he has a few errors here and there and we always find something to critique...that's what crit groups are for. Still, I just assumed he was taking the feedback, applying it to the story, fixing it all up and sending it on its merry way...out, into the...you get it.

Except he's not. He's putting them aside and trying again. He asked me the oddest question too, and the thing is still nibbling away at me. He said, "when do you know you're ready to start subbing?"

My answer was terribly in-eloquent. I think I choked on my coffee and sputtered, "you're not subbing?!!"

He isn't, and despite my charming response, I don't think he has any plans to in the future. But....but...he's so good. Also, he's professional, polite, and cares about his craft. He is focused on improving and can take feedback.

And I have to ask myself, why is it that the authors you want to work with are hesitant and the ones who are rude, impatient and convinced of their own brilliance don't even question if the should be sending out their work? They send send send. But this person, who writes a brilliant tale, has a drawer full of stories I'd want people to read that will not get sent out because there were some comma glitches? Egad!

Now I feel like banging my head on desk. I want to inject him with confidence serum or something, but of course, I know he's not alone. I know intellectually that you have to believe in yourself enough and your story enough to jump off that cliff--and it's not easy (it shouldn't be). But the idea of that drawer of stories still haunts me.

Be brave, authors. Certainly be humble too, tread professionally and without a sense of entitlement, yes. Work on your craft. Read the how not to be a douchebag articles, etc. But please go forward! Save your stories, repair them, shine them up and SHARE them with the world.  Or try, at least. It cannot hurt to try.

It will hurt to find that drawer years later and wish you'd been a little braver. It hurts me now, just thinking about it. If you're getting the feedback (not from Mom, sorry) that you're stories are worth sharing...do them a favor and share them.

No lost stories. (putting that on a T-shirt or something)
~Frances

What the #$&@! is this post about?

Swearing.

Obviously, many parents will tell their children that swearing is evil, and thus, it is the perfect thing to discuss here. Mind you, this warning usually only has effect until said children reach high school age and want to rebel, so they do so by doing exactly what generations of pissed off teenagers have always done: swear.

Cursing, swearing, cussing, and being blasphemous: How do you feel about it?

I'm evil, so one would think that I frequently swear. I don't, though. I have no problem with it, don't find it offensive, and often think swear words to myself. I do, however, use them in sudden, startling, or painful situations.

But I don't just casually throw them into normal conversation. To be blunt, I don't see the fucking point. (see what I did there?) To me, swearing has become utterly mainstream - so often used that it's become neither shocking nor effective, in my book. If every other word you use is a curse word, then those words just become regular words.

I want something that stands out and explains just how much pain I am in when I drop a hammer on my freaking toe! If you use them all the time, then what do you say when you when you really need to express something like that? I don't want the words losing their effectiveness, just when I need it!

So I save the swearing for such important situations, to give swear words the gravitas that they deserve.

What about you? Swearing yay or nay?

More importantly, how do you feel about swearing in books?  I don't mind it, if it serves a purpose, and it often does. But just adding cursing to spice up a character? It's not going to work. I'm of a generation where swearing doesn't spice things up. In fact, it's generally more shocking when someone doesn't swear. So know your character and know what they're going to say.

I have a good friend, Sonja, who runs the insanely popular website The Pintester, which involves a lot of swearing. In fact, it's even in the tagline. It's funny, because when she first started, she was worried about the reception of her blog because of the naughty language. But these days, that language is what appeals to her readers/viewers. So she's made that work for her (although who knows what her mother has to say!) :)

And that's my point. Whatever you do, swearing or not (and I'm talking about in your writing as well as in your personal life), do what works for you. If you fucking think that fucking putting some goddamn swear words in your (or your character's) speech works, then hell yeah! Go for it. But don't do it just because everyone else is.

Oh, and I think that hell and damn are so commonplace that they shouldn't be even counted as swear words any more. But that's probably a discussion for another day...

Feeling Too Evil to Blog

Happy Anniversary, Evil League of Evil Writers!

I'd love to join the celebration whole-heartedly, but I'm sick and going through a bunch of madness right now. So, instead of getting all woe-is-me, I'm going to share some evil from another source. My friend Greg Crafts is a playwright and actor and all sorts of entertainment awesome out in LA. This is from his first musical, Super Sidekick. I was lucky enough to read a draft of this in its early stages. It's a ton of fun, and if you ever get the chance to pop by Theatre Unleashed in Los Angeles for this show or any other, make sure you tell him I said "Hi!"

For now... I give you Slurm's Soliloquy ;-)

Evil Interview (Special Anniversary Edition!): Andrew Shaffer

Here we are in 2013.

It is the Year of Eviltry.

Today, April 1, 2013, marks the second anniversary of the Evil League of Evil Writers. Most of our regular readers know that we here at the ELEW have occasional interviews and giveaways, but always do something special for our anniversary.

No, this is NOT an April Fools' Day joke. The ELEW was officially founded on April 1, 2011.

For this year's anniversary celebration, we have a very special interview and giveaway.

Our evil guest is Andrew Shaffer.

Alter ego: EVIL WYLIE.

Come on. Evil is right there in his name.

We asked the wonderfully evil Andrew our standard set of interview questions. Below are his answers.

1) Let’s start things off right: What’s your zombie survival plan?

My zombie survival plan is to become a zombie. If I'm a zombie, I won't have to worry about my cholesterol or watch what I eat. I think I'd make a good zombie.

2) You've given some brilliant advice to aspiring authors, and as this website is dedicated to keeping writers from being douchebags, I'd like to ask you what you feel would be the requisites for a successful writer's group/beta reader/crit partner?

There are four kinds of beta readers/critique partners: Those who praise everything you write, those who correct your grammar and spelling, those who offer constructive advice and spark your creativity, and those who call you on your bullshit. Since you're not likely to find all four characteristics in one person, it's a good idea to have more than one beta reader/critique partner to cover your bases. Constructive criticism is great, but it's nice to have someone who will massage your ego. These people are usually called "family."

3) Writers tend to be a little on the physically unhealthy side, what with the constant sitting, and the mentally unhealthy side, what with the suffering for their art. What are your top writer self-care tips?

I bought a treadmill desk, which is one of the best investments I've made in my career. I don't write at it every day, but I try! If you're sitting down, it's a good idea to stretch your legs every hour or two — it probably helps the mind as well. On the mental side, I would say: take care of yourself. We've seen too many martyrs. I recently wrote about this for The Huffington Post. 

4) I'm not going to ask you the typical "how did you get published" question. What I will ask you is "how did you know you wanted to write?" Was it always something you wanted to do?

Ever since I learned to read, I wrote. I read books as a kid, and thought the natural response was to write your own books. One of the first things I ever wrote was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan fiction, published in my elementary school's monthly newsletter. I also wrote and illustrated a parody of Pee-Wee's Playhouse called "Pee-Wee Penguin's Igloo" in the second grade.

5) Which character of yours speaks to you the loudest? This can be either the most insistent character or the one that just wants things their own way all the time. Answer can be the same for both!

Earl Grey in Fifty Shames of Earl Grey was the most fun character to write. He has unlimited amounts of money, so can do whatever he wants—including cloning dinosaurs and combining their DNA with kittens to make them extra cute. I just thought, what would I do if I had all the money in the world? Jurassic Fucking Park, that's what.

6) When discussing our own evil idols, the name Andrew Shaffer popped up as one we universally agreed is a writer of the evillest kind. Who is the evillest writer you can think of, one whose evil you aspire to yourself?

Thank you for acknowledging my evilness. The evilest writer I know is Bret Easton Ellis, who was brilliant in Less Than Zero and American Psycho and now uses his considerable powers of prose to cause havoc in 140-character bites on Twitter (@breteastonellis). I profiled him in Literary Rogues, though unfortunately did not interview him. It's probably best we hold our idols at arm's length though, isn't it?

7) What is the evillest thing you feel you've done in one of your books? What is the evillest thing others have claimed you've done?

In Fifty Shames of Earl Grey, I was pretty mercilous to E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey. I've had some readers tell me they found my parody boring and tedious, to which I can only say: Thank you—I succeeded in mimicking James' writing style! 

8) You've had a bad day and head to YouTube to watch adorable animal videos. Kittens, puppies, pandas, or other: which do you pick first? This has absolutely zero effect on your evilness, of course, unless you pick human babies.

Clears throat, and says in the voice of The World's Most Interesting Man: "I don't watch adorable animal videos, but when I do, it's teacup piggies."

9) Have you ever shot a man in Reno just to watch him die?

I've never shot a man or woman. To do so, I would need to have fired a gun, which I haven't really done. I touched a gun once at a police station, and that was quite enough for me.

10) We’re going to give a random commenter an Andrew Shaffer book of their choice. Pretending they’re an AS virgin, which would you recommend for them?

My books are like children: You can't ask me to choose my favorite! My parody, Fifty Shames of Earl Grey, is my best-known and most humorous work, but Literary Rogues: A Scandalous History of Wayward Authors might be closest to my heart because it was such a labor of love. Those are, uh, both my favorites? My first book, Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love, is also quite funny and melancholy, but she's already moved out of the house and gone on to college so I forget about her. So, to wrap up and answer the question, I would recommend Literary Rogues, because that's the one I'm out pimping on tour right now. She's the one whose baby picture I'm showing off at the moment.


Thank you, Andrew, for taking the time to bestow your evil upon us and our readership!


Each year on the ELEW's anniversary, our Evil Interviewee is canonized. Andrew Shaffer is now recognized among the Evil League of Evil Writers as our Patron Saint of Snarkdom.


If you would like to declare your allegiance and swear fealty to our Patron Saint of Snarkdom, he can be found via the following:

Website: http://www.literaryrogue.com 
Twitter: @andrewtshaffer
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorAndrewShaffer


Now for the giveaway part!

Want to read an Andrew Shaffer book? Of course you do. We're going to buy your choice of a paperback copy of any of his books from the Book Depository  and send it your way.

To enter, include the words "Andrew is Evil" in your comment, and you'll go in a random draw. Winner will be chosen on Monday and announced with my ELEW blog post.