Writer's Block is Bullshit

Happy New Year, Evil Readers!

Aren't you glad we're back? Well, strap in…I'm kicking off 2014 with one hell of a rant for you. (Don't worry, I plan on resuming the Ask Dr. Dina series soon, but I needed to get this off my chest.)

Today's rant is brought to you by this thing. Some of you may have seen this post running around Tumblr. Others may have read Maureen Johnson's reply to this post. No matter which, now you know the inspiration behind today's rant.

Might want to put in the earplugs, kids. The screeching might get a wee bit loud 'round these parts here in a minute.... You see….

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WRITER'S BLOCK.

Need me to say it again? Okay, I will.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WRITER'S BLOCK.

You need it once more? All right, fine.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WRITER'S BLOCK.

I hear you now. "But Dina…"

No. Don't "but Dina" me. It doesn't exist. Do you hear me? Fucking no. You want to be a writer, you write, damn it. Period. End of sentence.

"But Dina-"

WHAT DID I JUST SAY? Don't "but Dina" me! Listen to me very, very carefully:

EVERYONE HAS ISSUES.

Everyone.

No one is okay.

And just to blow your stupid little petty whiny bullshit out of the water, let me hammer a few things home for you:

1 – Jean Auel, bestselling author of the Earth's Children series, mega-uber author extraordinaire, had five children and a full time job while she was writing her first novel.

2 – J.K. Rowling, bestselling author of the Harry Potter series, started out on welfare with a young child, lost her mother to multiple sclerosis, suffered depression and domestic violence, got divorced, then got re-married and had two more children while writing the other books.

I could go on and on listing bestselling authors and their respective issues, but I'll stop with just those two. Do you see my point here? If you don't, I'll make it clear – those authors didn't give up. They didn't put the pen down. They didn't whine about "not having time to write" or "writer's block" or "I'm too busy" or "I'm unwell" or "I'm pregnant" or "I'm on medication" or "I have a kid to raise" or any other excuse you can think of.

THEY FUCKING WROTE. Through everything. No matter what else was going on in their life, they wrote.

Do you understand me?

Everyone has issues. EVERYONE. Yes, even that author. You are not special. You are not an exception.

If you want to be a writer, you fucking write. That's it. "Writer's block" is bullshit. It's nothing but laziness, fear, or other excuses. No one "has time" to write. You MAKE TIME to write. I know some writers who get up at the ass-crack of dawn to get some quiet time to write before the kids wake up and their day starts. I know writers who wait until everyone is in bed before they write. I know writers who keep notebooks handy so they can jot their words down on their lunch break at work.

If you want to write, YOU FUCKING WRITE. You don't just sit around and talk about this great and wonderful world you have in your head. Characters you have. You actually write them down. As the article I linked above says, "Nobody's going to buy the book you've got stored in your head."

People who only talk about their writing annoy the ever-living fuck out of me and I don't have patience for them. People who whine about "I wish I could write but I don't have time" just make me want to punch them in the face. What? You think I have time to write? That there is a room of absolute quiet that I retire to so that I may listen to Beethoven and struggle to create?

Fuck you! I don't have "time to write" either. I'm a writer, so that's what I fucking do, asshole! Just because that's my job doesn't mean it's easy or that I don't have to make time to do it. I have issues and laundry and a dirty house and errands to run and everything else that gets in in the way of my writing just like you do. The difference between me and you is that I get shit done. I'm a writer, whereas you're just a wannabe. You don't even get to claim the dubious title of "aspiring writer." You're just a whiny little pretender.

I don't want to hear your excuses. Why? Because they are ALL BULLSHIT. All of it. Everything you can come up with as an excuse not to write, I will refute.

No, not even if you're dead. Because that's what Ouija boards and mediums are for, you lazy ass ghost. (See? Story idea, right there. Someone get on that. Wait, that's MY idea…hands off!)

Young at Heart

Okay, I'm not old. I just turned 31, which I consider to be just barely old enough to justify me acting like an adult. And young enough to still call my parents for advice about stuff. I'm married, though, so that ups the relative age a few years. Given how many nights I stay in reading instead of going out and partying my youth away, I'm probably even older than I thought.

Plus I just got my first real wrinkle.

Oh god. I'm ancient.

*chugs a bottle of wine*

Okay, I'm better now. Normally, I could care less about age. I mean, on the internet, no one knows how old you are, right? And that's all that matters. Besides, in my day job, being older is an advantage (for some reason people get uppity about being charged $225 an hour to talk to someone who's younger than your grandchildren... and I can't say that I blame them!).

But I'm working on a Young Adult novel these days. And my heroine is in high school.

I barely remember high school. My overwhelming impression of it is that I couldn't wait for it to be over. I even considered graduating a year early to escape to college. I didn't, but man, I wanted to.

So how am I supposed to write a book with believable high school characters when I can barely remember what high school was like?

If I were older and had kids of my own, I'd pester them until they told me. If I had cousins or nieces or nephews that were in high school, you can count I'd be harassing them for the hip new things. But I don't. So short of hanging around the local high school until I get arrested, what's a girl an old lady perfectly aged female individual to do?

I do have some leeway because this is scifi YA, so a couple hundred years in the future, who knows what kids those days will be saying/doing? But attitude will probably stay the same (unfortunately!)

So I've been watching a lot of teen movies. Yeah, sure, they feature 20-somethings trying to pretend like they're high schoolers, but they do a pretty good job of getting across the stereotypical teenage drama. Any suggestions for movies or TV I should check out?

Otherwise, I'm up a creek until my non-existent children are conceived, born, and grow up.

Although I did just get a monster zit, so maybe I'm regressing. In no time, I'll remember what life in the super cool crowd in high school was like (Yeah, right. I was a nerdy loser back then. And now.)

Like, totes later, dudes!

Let "Show, Don't Tell" Be Your 2013 Mantra

It's standard writing advice, right? Show, Don't Tell? As a writer, you hear those words so often, you probably want to pull your hair out and HERE is Mama Bitchstress saying them to you AGAIN, OMGWTFBBQ SKYLA??

As often the case, that which is true in writing also is in life.

I read this Cracked article the other day. Go check it out.

No really, I'll wait.

*two hours pass*

Right. I forgot to warn you Cracked is like a gateway to procrastination hell. (Second only to TV Tropes.)

Sorry.

Anyway, you'll notice in a lot of ways the article basically sounds like our Gothic Goddess giving advice, straight down to proclaiming the hippies as being wrong (those dirty, dirty hippies). But one of the things that stuck out to me was "What You Are Inside Only Matters Because of What It Makes You Do" on the second page.

Let this be the year you show what you are instead of tell.

If you are a writer, stop telling people this. Just stop. Stop and do. Spend a week loosely tracking how many hours a day you spend talking about writing/telling people you're a writer vs the actual motherfucking writing you DO. The former should not be greater than the latter.

Notice I say "write" and not run out and throw your shit on Kindle. Publishing doesn't make you a writer; actually writing does. Honing your craft does.

Are you querying? I can't tell you how many fucking cover letters I've read where the writer assures me the book is really funny. Again, our advice for life: don't TELL ME you're funny, SHOW ME. Write a query letter showcasing your sense of humor.  This is not rocket science.

And yet it is, actually, or feels like it. In life it's very easy to say you're something when your actions say something else.

But here's the thing: Life is not a YA novel and you are not the secretly awesome, compassionate, funny but shy girl no one notices. The Hot Boy is not going to one day zero in on you and see The Real You and defy social expectation by hanging out with you because he just "knows" deep down your amazing, kind heart by just looking in your fabulous probably-violet-coloured eyes.

What you think happens.

What actually happens.

Someone isn't going to notice you in life and then take you to the prom because you're SO AWESOME INSIDE and live happily ever after.

You don't become a better writer without writing stuff. You are not going to get a publishing contract without submitting stuff and showing stuff like you're an entertaining storyteller. You are not going to successfully network and make friends in this industry unless YOU make YOURSELF someone that other people will want to hang out with.

Sit down and make a list of everything you think you are. All of the various attributes. Now...what have you backed up with actions in the last week? In the last month? Writers, have you written anything? If you're compassionate, have you actually done anything for anyone recently? If you consider yourself gracious, have you thanked people for things? If you believe you're a good friend, have you reached out to anyone lately? Have your actions shown that you are the various things you think you are?

Because I can tell you, the world at large doesn't give a fuck who you think you are inside; what matters is what you do, how you interact, and what you contribute.

Don't answer the questions above. Don't think. Don't tell me. Simply do. Make this the year that you decide to show who and what you are instead of just tell people.

And be sure to make your actions evil.

Happy 2013: The Year of Eviltry. Now do the work.

Go To Your Room

Dina here. (Warning: Ah, screw it. If you're reading this post, you already know this blog is NSFW.)

I've been reading the most…well, let's just say "interesting"…blog posts lately, and they all pretty much boil down to one particular sentiment:

"WAAAAAAA! NOBUDDY WUVS ME!"

I'm going to say this once, so listen very carefully:

GROW. THE FUCK. UP.

Let's break this down, shall we? We'll go with Writer S and Writer T, because Writers X and Y are such prima donnas and I've given them enough attention on this blog. (Also, those may be their actual initials, which totally serve my purpose without actually giving them any of the attention they so desperately want. Onward!)

Writer S has had enough. Writer S is tired of being rejected over and over. They've been rejected so many times by so many people that it's just depressing. Literally. Writer S was so butt-hurt about their repeated rejections that they fell into a soul-deep crushing lethargy about their writing and announced a ragequit hiatus so they could visit their physician (who said the same thing I would have, which was "stop whining, up your fucking dose and cope" – though I'm pretty sure the doc said it in a nicer way than I would have) and search their innermost self for the Reason They Want To Write.

When they came back a week or so later, they made the announcement that they really want to write because they want someone outside their friends and family to read their work.

I'll pause here so you can reread that and let it sink in.

I discussed this issue with a friend of mine. He said, and I quote (with permission as I asked first if I may quote him), "It's more important for [them] to feel as if [they are] heard than to be paid for it."

All right. Fair enough. I can totally understand the need to feel like your work isn't in vain, and "Is Anybody Out There?" syndrome. I get it. Been there, done that, and personally, I don't think that's a valid reason to want to write/be published.

I'm sure wanting someone to read your work is a valid reason to Writer S, but I'm going to need a little more than "I just want to be heard" if you want to cross the line from "hobbyist" to "professional."

It's one thing to love your craft. It's another to bitch because the people outside your friends and family that you've given your work to all say the same thing.

I'll pause again to let that sink in.

If you're constantly getting rejections (which, by the way, is part of the game) from industry professionals that say the same thing, the problem isn't them.

The problem is you.

Which brings me to Writer T.

Writer T thinks that the purpose of a query letter is to prove that you can jump through hoops and has nothing to do with the book.

Again, I'll pause to let that sink in.

Note: If your query letter has nothing to do with the book, you're DOING IT WRONG. Just sayin'.

Writer T has (apparently, according to them) submitted to various people and places over 500 times, only to be rejected over 500 times and have their work read only three times out of that 500.

Note: If you've been rejected over TEN times with the same project using the same query letter and get the same standard "thank you but no" rejection letter, you might want to revamp one or all of the following:

a)      the letter itself – it may not be effectively communicating your premise

b)     the project  - it may not be suitable for the house/agent you're querying

c)      your approach – there are reasons for submission guidelines. Follow them.

Writer T also thinks that editors/agents/publishing houses are only interested in your "marketing plan."

Now, I don't know which of the above Writer T is querying, but not one of the above has ever asked me or anyone I know for a "marketing plan" before a query. I honestly have no clue whom Writer T is supposedly querying/submitting to, but whomever they may be, I seriously doubt they're legitimate publishing professionals.

Reading Writer T's…eloquent screed on the horrific state (and apparently inevitable collapse and death) of the "traditional publishing" (hint: the term is "commercial publishing") industry, I can't help but wonder if they did any research whatsoever on how to actually publish. There are so many obvious errors in both fact and judgment. [Example – an erroneous statement that a popular YA series was rejected "dozens of times" before the manuscript was ever read. Fact: Popular YA series was rejected thirteen times. Thirteen rejections =/= "dozens." And I'm willing to bet that Popular YA Author was asked for their full or partial manuscript at least five of those times, because that's the process.] There are also several paragraphs of complete and utter ignorance of how the legitimate commercial publishing industry works.

Both Writer S and Writer T have the same complaint. "The nature of the industry." It's "the industry" keeping them down/out/marginalized. It's "the industry" squelching their genius. It's "the industry" overlooking their brilliance and making them take matters into their own hands and self-publish, either for free on their own blogs or on a large internet for-pay publishing site.

Uh, no, it isn't. It's not the industry, it's the writers themselves. You don't get to blame other people because you can't deal with rejection.

Writing is hard. Writing professionally is even harder. Just like any other job (because professional writing is a job, just like being a secretary, doctor, lawyer, accountant, fry cook or game warden), there are rules of conduct, structure, balance, hierarchy and a standard of quality that one must meet in order to be considered for the job.

If you don't meet those standards, you're not going to get the job. Period.

I'll tell you right now that the vast majority of rejections are not personal. They simply aren't. I can give you link after link to professional industry blogs that illustrate this very fact. Rejections aren't personal. They're business and you didn't pass muster. That simple. (Of course, if you make a constant ass out of yourself, threaten, harass, stalk, or libel the people you're attempting to involve yourself with, there might be a bit of "personal" in your rejection, but that's on you, not on them.)

The solution to being consistently rejected is not to present yourself to someone else who tells you the same thing over and over again. The solution is to go back, spit and polish, then present yourself.

If you're still not getting the job, go back, polish up again and try again.

What both of the above examples have in common is their desire for results. For legitimacy and recognition. Fine. Those are fine things to want. But you have to work to earn them, and usually for a hell of a lot longer than either of the above have been at it. The average first novel takes ten years to get out. The majority of people publishing now have been at writing for a long, long time. (I'm not talking here about sensational examples of people found on fan-fiction sites and given publishing contracts in order to make the house a buck. Those are exceptions, not the rule, and generally done by one house in particular whose practices I find unpleasant.) They've all been rejected and they've all had their share of ups and downs.

Also, everyone has problems.

Everyone.

You are not the only one with medical issues, mental health issues, child care issues, money issues, emotional issues, citizenship issues, physical issues, marital issues, personal issues, job issues, social issues, or any other issues.

EVERYONE HAS ISSUES. Yours are not justification for your whiny-assed bullshit. No one gives a crap about your issues anyway! If you write as a way to deal with your issues, stick to writing emo poetry in your journal and don't bother trying to inflict it on the rest of the world, then get pissed when no one besides your mom thinks it's genius.

If you write for any of the following reasons, you're doing it wrong:

1)     For the money. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

2)     For the fame. (BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

3)     To be able to say "I'm a writer" when people ask what you do. (People either ask you to help them/refer them to your agent/want you to write "this great idea I have but I can't write," or what your "real job" is, and your mother will never accept that your writing IS a "real job.")

4)     Because you have shit to say and want a captive audience. (This is what blogs are for.)

5)     Because you're a creative soul and writing is art. (Fuck you. Go to your room and write emo poetry in your journal.)

You want to play with the big kids, you need to grow the fuck up first. Stop whining that you have sand in your panties and get your crying ass out of the fucking sandbox.