Baby Evil Writers 101: Seriously Guys, You Need Help

Baby Evil Writers 101: Seriously Guys, You Need Help
Julie Butcher

I'm not talking about MENTAL HEALTH HELP. If you're reading this post then you're writing and of course you are this close | | to criminally insane. That goes without saying. I'm talking about help with your writing.

How do you know if you're any good?
What if your scribbles are laughable and will make agents and editors scream and immediately put your name on the NO PUBLISH NEVER-EVER LIST?
Do you have a voice (and does it make the angels cry in an appropriately evil fashion)?

The answers to these questions and more can be answered by promoting evil and helping Crestline School. There are deals to be had guys.

Mentorships: Where the Evil League of Evil Writers and others will critique your manuscript ruthlessly and scorn your tears. Legal critiques, fight scene critiques, full manuscript critiques by awesome (and secretly evil) authors. A partial critique by a LITERARY AGENT!

Since you are baby evil writers you do not know how hard it is to capture the attention of a stellar agent or to get a critique by a publishing professional. It could CHANGE YOUR LIFE. (Seriously guys, professional writers see more than your crit buddies)

Are you afraid? Of course you are! This is acceptable and we enjoy your fear. BUT it is time to sink or swim, time to fly and leave your safe little nest. Time to turn into a butterfly or something else soft and pretty and brightly colored.

So suck it up,quit being a namby-pamby and help some kids.

Baby Evil Writers 101: Queries over the Holidays

Baby Evil Writers 101: Queries over the Holidays

Julie Butcher

No. Just no.

Reason One

Literary agents and editors are people, too. They have families. They celebrate holidays. Nowadays everyone has their work email on their phone. Dinner preparation, presents, cleaning, and running about are stressful for everyone. Would you want your job calling you thirty times during your Christmas dinner? So that would be a no.

Reason Two

The holidays are just after NANOWRIMO. If you’re unfamiliar with November as a writing month you should check it out here.  Everyone in the publishing industry is way too familiar with this phenomenon. Tons of writers dash out fifty thousand words in November, slap on an ending, and immediately query agents and editors. You do not want to be one of these people. I’m not saying that Nanowrimo is bad because it gets people in the habit of writing everyday—which is a good thing. The stinky part is that some of these people don’t think they need editing before they woosh their freaking first draft into the world. You don’t want to flush years of effort down the toilet, so—no.

Seriously guys, no.

Reason Three

Most literary agencies and publishing houses are closed for the holidays. When they return, the email is exploding. Even if you’re possibly the next Nobel Prize winner, you’ll drown in the flood. Your chances of having your email lost or deleted have to be a hundred times what they are on a normal day. So, no. Don’t do it.

Reason Four

People remember negative easier than positive. Of all the holidays you remember, the one where someone brought their sick kid to dinner (and they barfed at the table) stands out like mold on bread. Publishing people are smart, guys. They read and everything. They remember who was rude and interrupted their family time. Do you really think they’ll want to work with the person who ruined Christmas?

I know, you think one little email won’t bother anyone. BUT, if your query chimes in and the turkey burns because of it, you’re toast—so no. Seriously, no.

Reason Five

Holidays are for families. Take that time to enjoy your own loved ones. They deserve your entire attention. They love you whether you’re published or not. Seriously, guys, someday they won’t be there and you’ll regret not taking a few days to show them you love them.

I wish you a safe and lovely holiday season filled with all of the good life has to offer.

Baby Evil Writers 101: Tags and Traits

Baby Evil Writers 101: Tags and Traits
Julie Butcher

Tags are word that you try to use only for one particular character. When making your character sheet (see my last Baby Evil Writers 101 post) you need descriptive terms that apply only to one person.  When that person is introduced into a scene, you use one of the tags in the description.

Here is our character sheet from the last lesson.

Gregor (Poppi) Romanoff

Age: 67

Height: 6’

Nationality: Gipsy

Accent: Russian

Married to: Maria (Baba) Romanoff for forty years

Voice sounds like a gravel road

Plays the Violin for gipsy dancers

Lives in an Airstream trailer

Phrases: Devochka as an endearment

Favorite thing: To find news under the message stone

Now we need to make descriptive tags to hang on Poppi. (Whiskers, piercing gaze, tanned, white hair, determined)

The first time Poppi is introduced in the story it reads,

 *The spotlight lit up Poppi’s white hair as he trilled the opening notes.*  Since Poppi is a supporting character, whenever he pops into a scene after an absence from the story line, he’ll have a tag. This is purely to give the reader a mental nudge to form a picture in their mind. I’ll try very hard not to use Poppi’s tags anywhere else in the story.

Next, we need to give Poppi traits. Traits are like tags except they describe either an item the character owns or keeps with them, a characteristic physical movement, or his responsibilities/job.

(Violin, hex bag, pocket watch, sword)

The next time Poppi comes into the picture it reads,

*“Stacia, when you’ve changed, fold the outside chairs and put them in the trailer. We’re meeting up with a carnival in Boise tonight.” He closed and snapped his violin case. “There’s a State Fair, and we’ll run for a month, you’ll like that.”*

Have tags and traits for each character

Use them when a character enters a scene.

Don’t use those words for another character or description if possible. (A it’s lazy and B your job as a writer is to know more than one word for white.)

Baby Evil Writers 101: Character Sheets

Baby Evil Writers 101: Character Sheets
Julie Butcher

One of the biggest mistakes new writers make is to dive into a manuscript without planning the characters. Names aren’t enough. What do they look like? What’s their favorite food? How old are they and when is their birthday? What’s their favorite curse when they’re angry?

Having a hazy idea of what your character looks like shows in your writing. I’ve found that having a character sheet on hand (I pin them on the wall in my writer clubhouse) makes my descriptions crisp and rounds the character into a real person.

Gregor (Poppi) Romanoff

Age: 62

Height: 6’

Nationality: Gipsy

Accent: Russian

Married to: Maria (Baba) Romanoff for 40 years

Voice sounds like a gravel road

Plays the Violin for gipsy dancers

Lives in an Airstream trailer

Phrases: Devochka as an endearment

Favorite thing: To find news under the message stone

When you have an actual picture, it is easier to describe the flow of their hair and the way their ears stick out—just a little. You need a character sheet for each person you put in your book. You can use live people, but chances are that if you would use someone in your own house, someone you know well, by the time you’d need to write a sequel, they would be several years older than when you began their story. Then what would you do?

This is the start of a character sheet. Next time we’ll add tags and traits.

Baby Evil Writers 101: Conflict, Resolution, Setback

Baby Evil Writers 101: Conflict, Resolution, Setback
Julie Butcher

Everyone knows how Mondays go. You wake up like it is any other day that ends with a Y. And then, an evil Monday problem jumps out at you from behind the door. OH NOES!

You stub your toe on the way to the coffee pot. While hopping on one foot (because your toe thinks it’s dying) you knock the sugar bowl off the counter. It crashes to the floor and the glass shatters. Before you have time to blink your child runs into the kitchen on bare feet

.

Because you are a mother, you snatch up the child, stepping into the mess to do so. You scream as glass stabs into your surviving foot, and adds blood to the sticky mess. You plop the child safely on a chair and leave bloody footprints on the way to the broom cupboard. Simultaneously you pour cereal into your child’s bowl, sweep the floor, and run water to mop up the blood

.

Finally, you have the mess cleaned up, and the children fed, and have acquired both coffee and bandages. Now all you need to manage are clothes. Whew. Double whew. Your neck muscles relax and your jaw untenses from the clenched position. You are Super Mom!

You stretch, and the clock on the microwave catches your eye. SWEET MINIONS OF EVIL IT IS BLINKING! The power must have gone out last night. You run for your phone and discover that YOU ARE LATE!

Every chapter in your book is a Monday morning.

CONFLICT: Your hero has a terrible problem. OH NOES!

RESOLUTION: Your hero fixes the problem. OH YAY!

SETBACK:  Here comes another problem and it is worse than the first problem. OH HOLY CRAP!

If you have a scene without these three elements, delete it. You don’t write chapters to drop information or to set up the reader for what is going to happen later. Information is like sprinkles on ice cream. You don’t eat a whole bowl of sprinkles. (You might want to but it isn't how it is supposed to be.)